Domestic Violence; The Hidden Secret

There is a hidden secret in homes all across America that most people chose to ignore. This is my place to share my thoughts, views and occassional rants about the issue of domestic violence. It is my hope that this blog will prove to be an educational tool that will shatter the myths and misconceptions surrounding the issue, raise awareness and motivate all members of society to take a stand against violence against women.

Location: New York, United States

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I Must Be Missing Something

If anyone knows the answer to this or can give me some insight, please feel free. I'm at a complete loss right now. Woman is battered by her husband, he is arrested; minor charge but never the less, arrested. She is issued a stay away order of protection at his arraignment. Of course, the case goes on and on and ends in the usual "stay out of trouble for 1 year and this never happened" scenario. But, out of the goodness of their hearts, the court keeps the stay away order in place. Except, there's one minor problem; the order does NOT prohibit the abuser from being at the business they own together.

Now I know there are many, many people that will give me the "you cannot take away his business", nonsense as the reason for this. My argument however is this. The court obviously felt this person posed a very real threat to the victim and therefore ordered him to remain away from her. So how is it that he's a danger to her everywhere but the place of business? How is it that our justice system, which is viewed as the best in the world, is compelled to continuously make sure the "rights" of the abuser are protected and leave the victims virtually unprotected?

Anyone that wants to argue that the victims are protected will not likely get anywhere with me on this issue as the victim in the scenario I am talking about was brutally murdered by her abuser a few days ago. Shot in cold blood, multiple time. Where? You guessed it, at the place of business.

This woman did not stand a chance. It must be noted that the abuser did not chose to go to her home to do this, he went to the one place he was allowed to be and therefore knew the victim was without protection. She could not call 911 because he was ALLOWED to be there. Had he shown up at her home, she'd have had the opporunity to call for help and possibly keep him out while waiting for the police to arrive. He KNEW he would be able to pull this off because the court, in all their infinite wisdom did no want to take away his means of support and prohibit him from entering a business he co-owned.

So bascially this is how I see it right now. Protect his right to own and participate in the business but do not protect her right to be SAFE at the business.

Disgusting, simply disgusting.


Blogger Hannah said...

I agree it seems a little nuts.

8:50 PM  
Blogger DEB said...

I have just completed a book titled Family Terror that is available at The name of the book is significant. By calling this abusive behavior domestic violence or a domestic dispute we give permission for the violence not to be taken seriously. If a fight happened in a fast food restaurant we would not call it a hamburger dispute. It would be a crime. Also, Family Terror is a crime.
And there lies the ultimate solution. We don’t need more conventional shelters. In fact we will need fewer conventional shelters if only we treat “Family Terror” as a crime. The abuser is the criminal. It is not a logical solution to hide the victim and let the abuser run free. There are technical methods to guarantee protective orders are enforced.
If we continue down the path we are currently on, this violence and its results will multiply with each generation. Stop and think about one abuser and victim and their children. How many lives will be impacted in the next generation or next 50 years because of these people? Keep in mind that most children grow up to be either a victim or an abuser if they were raised in that environment. It is also important to note that 80% of the people who are incarcerated today grew up in abusive homes. So each of these crimes causing the incarceration, also had victims as well.
The most prudent use of funds is stopping the abuser. If the abuser is stopped, many things will change for the better. This abuse is the TRUE SILENT EPIDEMIC in our country.
Anytime there is a great deal of money being passed around, there is going to be issues embraced that are selfish and not wholesome to the good of the cause.
The big question is how can we the proper solutions started and cease the improper band aid expenses that are just plain wasteful of our tax money.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Strategic Living LLC said...

Alas, I don't think it's you missing something. Our "family justice" system is very disjointed and inconsistent, to say the least. People have had to dissolve businesses (as well as residences) due to separation or divorce, why this was an exception seems odd. Maybe he had a better lawyer.

In teaching self-defense to women for over a decade, I've certainly heard many instances of abusers actively abusing the "justice" system to continue abusing their partners.

2:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Who links to me?