Domestic Violence; The Hidden Secret

There is a hidden secret in homes all across America that most people chose to ignore. This is my place to share my thoughts, views and occassional rants about the issue of domestic violence. It is my hope that this blog will prove to be an educational tool that will shatter the myths and misconceptions surrounding the issue, raise awareness and motivate all members of society to take a stand against violence against women.

Location: New York, United States

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Get a backbone already

I witnessed something today that turned my stomach. I'm a the supermarket loading my bags into the car and there's a group of 3 guys and one girl hanging out in the parking lot. The girl is obviously dating one of them. Well the lovely gentleman that he is begins speaking to her in the most degrading, disgusting manner I've ever heard. He proceeds to yell at her and call her every vulgar word you can imagine and what do his friends do? NOTHING, not a damn thing. The poor girl was literally in tears with him yelling in her face and these bunch of loosers are laughing. Although one of them wasn't laughing, he was just standing there which made me think. If he didn't find any of this acceptable or at all funny, why didn't he say something to his friend? Why, I'll tell you wouldn't be "cool" to say something about it, I mean come on..he's the man right? This must mean that he has some God given right to speak to women this way and if another man says something about it then he's weak, a loser, etc. Meanwhile, it takes a much stronger person to stand up for what they believe and to come to another persons defense than it does to sit there and say nothing.

My point is this, the only way to begin to eradicate this intolerable behavior is to number one continue to teach young girls about the warning signs of an abusive relationship, how to recognize it, how to get out of it, etc. Number two and here's the big one....MEN have to take a stand and start to speak out against this. If they see another man abusing a woman in any way or form, get a backbone and tell him it's not cool, it's not acceptable and he should stop. In addition, until such time as men begin to stop laughing at derogatory comments made towards women that will continue as well and the issue of violence against women will never end.

I pulled my car up and said something to him and asked the young woman if I could help her or give her a ride somewhere. She declined the offer and I'm sure you can imagine how he responded to me.


Blogger Michelle said...

Ick. I don't know what it is about supermarket parking lots. I have seen some ugliness there as well.

The man's behavior is a result of pack mentality. I think the vast majority of Americans have it. It is scary.

Who knows how the girl saw women treated growing up and how she thinks she should be treated.

I agree with you that men could be the answer to this problem. I also think that communities need to enforce acceptable behavior. For example, in my case, both me and a neighbor upstairs are prepared to stand by the principal that this behavior is unacceptable in our building.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

Ahh, you're so right on all points. The pack mentality is quite dangerous. Education is needed on so many levels, from victims, to professionals, community members and very important...youth and adolescents. These kids have to be taught from early on that any form of abuse is unacceptable and they have a right to be treated with dignity and respect. On the other side of that, the message must be made clear that it is not cool, tough, macho or anything else they might call it to abuse anyone, period.

I admire you and your neighbors for speaking up. Hopefully this woman will get some help and get out. Who knows, she might just come to you when he's not around.

7:26 PM  
Blogger IshtarHardy said...

My daughter was killed in a DV homicide and her boyfriend, the perp, still has the kids, has issued allegations about us that are just beyond the pale, has only allowed to see the children twice in months (Jessica was run over by him on November 25 2005, the day after Thanksgiving.) She was leaving him, she was a pedestrian on a rural road (he had isolated her, red flags were everywhere, we just didn't recognize them, classified him as an ass who wouldn't work.) She had on three layers of clothing, was carrying a bag with her work clothes and had a book with her, all of which point to that she was heading for a long, cold walk and took the book to kill time at the bus station. A murderer is free, has the children, has her Social Security benefits and slanders her family. It's incredible what these sociopaths get away with.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

I'm so sorry about your daughter. I cannot even begin to imagine what you go through on a daily basis, and the children really break my heart.

How did he manage to get away with this? Did anyone see him do it and more importantly, was he even arrested for it?

5:04 PM  

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